Truly Alone
by Floopygirl
Summary: Jack and Daniel talk about the reasons for their relationship. JD slash, reference to SJ


Rating: pretty much free for all, I think. Slash relationship

Season: seven, pre-Grace

Pairings: J/D, mention of J/S

Disclaimer: none of it's mine

A/N: I was toying over a nice little S/J plot bunny when I checked my email and flist and saw Lyssie's post about having written J/D once upon a time. Suddenly a bizarre morphing happened in my head, where Jack turned into Daniel and Sam turned into Jack, and everything seemed to work better. This is a bit OOC and I'm not sure who it's going to appeal to, but the idea became an obsession so I had to be write it.

BTW, thanks to Jack for reading this over for me :) It's kinda non-ship, if that makes you happier...

* * *

He watched his curtains billow in the night breeze, feeling gentle puffs of air tease his bare arms and chest. He'd left the drapes open, preferring to gaze at the blackness of the sky than to feel penned in. Open space was in short supply under the mountain; in his home, he liked to indulge himself.

He was lying on his side, still awake, but tired enough so that his thoughts seemed to move with the same sticky reluctance as treacle. The warm body of his lover pressed into his back, and a callused hand rubbed slow circles onto his lower chest and stomach. He felt content, happy to drift off into sleep, knowing that he wouldn't be spending the night alone.

"Why do we do this?"

It took a while for the words to register. Jack tensed, but the hand on his abdomen continued in its slow, soothing motion. "Do what?"

Daniel emitted a soft sound, somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle. "This."

He knew that avoiding the subject was futile – if Daniel wanted to talk, they'd have to talk – but he tried anyway. "You talk too much."

Daniel made the same sound again. "Do you really think you can put me off if I feel determined?"

The mood of quiet stillness was broken. Jack rolled over, needing to see Daniel's face. The younger man shifted backwards obligingly, leaving some space between them. At any other time, Jack would have been distracted by all the bare flesh on display, but Daniel's words bothered him.

"I thought we'd agreed not to talk about this." Jack winced, hearing the almost plaintive note in his voice. Daniel ignored it however, head propped up on one elbow, blue eyes alert behind his glasses. Jack wondered when he'd put them on. He certainly hadn't been wearing them earlier.

"Don't you think it's odd, the way we act one way in the privacy of our homes but totally differently in front of the rest of the world, all without having ever discussed it?"

Jack considered the other man's words. "No." That was what the 'don't ask don't tell' policy of the Air Force was all about.

Daniel didn't flinch, his focus on Jack never wavering. "So, why do you think we do this?"

The questions were beginning to annoy him – he was trying to escape from reality, not dwell on it. "You go first: tell me what you think the reasons are."

Daniel wasn't fazed by the request, lazily pushing his glasses up his nose. "For me it's easy. It's about comfort. Having someone to spend the night with. And love, without being in love. I'm not ready for that right now." He paused, appearing to consider his next words, enunciating each deliberately. "That's why I feel safe with you. I know you won't fall in love with me, because you're already in love with Sam."

Jack jerked into a sitting position, unprepared for the pain. The pain that washed over him at hearing Daniel admit to not being in love with him – and how ridiculous was that? He wouldn't want him to be – and then flooded him at hearing Daniel bring Sam into this. He didn't talk about those feelings, _ever_.

He became aware that Daniel was gently rubbing his upper arm, obviously trying to soothe him. He wrenched it away, determined for once to refuse the comfort that the younger man offered.

"Daniel!" He didn't know how to continue without venting his fury in a poisonous stream of words. And what would he want to say anyway? 'You're wrong!', 'Don't talk about her here,', 'I don't love her!'? They'd both know he was lying. Whatever it was that he and Daniel had between them, he didn't want to mar it with deceit.

Jack pulled away, scooting over to the edge of his bed and swinging his legs over the side. He was disgusted to hear his voice shake. "I don't want to talk about this, I can't!"

He heard the rustling of sheets as Daniel moved toward him and felt a hand close over his wrist. He could have easily broken the archaeologist's hold – six years of sporadic training were no match for decades of experience – but forced himself to hold still.

Daniel's voice rose, and for the first time in their conversation he sounded like he was losing control. "Don't go, Jack. Please. After everything we've been through..."

Jack turned around slowly, facing the younger man while still perched awkwardly on the side of the bed. He didn't have to make a conscious effort to cool the tone of his voice. "So, tell me, if you're being so insightful. Why do I fuck with you in secret?"

Daniel flinched, but still met his eyes. "Because you love Sam but you can't have her. You've been essentially alone for seven years, but it's been long and hard, and you miss having someone in your bed and staying the night. Still, you don't want to start dating because you don't want to hurt Sam again the way you did after Edora." It was Jack's turn to flinch, but Daniel continued regardless. "And she would find out if you were seeing someone else, because this is a small town and people gossip."

Jack closed his eyes. "It's not just that. I'm not going to date some stranger if I don't have anything to offer her."

"No. But I know what you have to offer and I'll take what you offer without asking for more." Jack heard pity in Daniel's voice, and chose to ignore it. "So."

"So," he echoed. "Happy now?"

"Not really. There's just one problem with all of this."

Jack leaned back against the wooden headboard, trying to work out where Daniel was going with this. "Oh? I thought you'd covered everything."

"Almost. Teal'c knows, and I think Sam's begun to wonder."

His eyes flew open and every muscle in his body coiled. "What? How?"

Daniel shrugged. "Teal'c... well, he's Teal'c, you know? He seems to pick up on everything."

Jack accepted that with a nod: it was true. "But Sam?" The fear in his voice was evident.

Daniel sighed. "I don't know. Maybe Teal'c said something, though I can't imagine he would. I left my car here a couple of times: maybe someone saw it after all. I don't know. There's just been something in her eyes recently, something I've seen when she looks at you. And at me. It could just be a guilty conscience, but..."

Jack brought a hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing the muscles which had suddenly tensed up. "You're telling me that this is over, aren't you?"

"Basically, yeah." Daniel fidgeted slightly, fingering the edge of the bedcovers. "When this started I thought it was for the best, that this would be best for both of us, but if Sam finds out..."

"She'll be devastated, and will feel doubly betrayed because not only have I been with someone else, but with a close friend of hers and a fellow teammate." Jack looked away, guilt and self-hatred running through his body.

"That's about it." Daniel's eyes were filled with sympathy. "I can't do that to her. We shouldn't have done this much."

"I know." There was another long pause. "So this is it, huh? Funny how things end."

"Yeah." Both the men sat still, in silent contemplation. Daniel broke the silence.

"I can still stay the –"

Jack waved a hand, cutting him off. "Better to make a clean break of it."

"Sure." Daniel paused and then leaned forward, hands cupping Jack's face. They shared a slow, lingering kiss, and then Daniel pulled away. "I'll see you tomorrow at work."

"Yeah." Jack watched as Daniel gathered up his things and left the room, studying his friend's nakedness one more time. A minute or two later, he heard the front door slam.

Jack closed his eyes again and lay back down, watching the curtains ripple in the wind. The night air now felt cold but he didn't close the windows, drawing the covers up to his chin instead. For the first time in months, he felt truly alone.


End file.
